…Have they gone? Right! Sorry about the subterfuge. I'm gonna to continue like this for 5 minutes of your life that you will never get back.
What's this game about then? You play as Link and you have to rescue Princess Zelda, wow! Across the meadows of fresh ideas you stride like a colossus, don't you? Oh, but it's very innovatively evoking Link to the Past on the SNES, the same way I very innovatively crawled up my mum's vagina and stuck my thumb in me mouth. Now if you're looking for a balanced and thoughtful critique of the game, then what the fuck are you doing here? I'm basically just going to rail it with the same points as always until it cries. I picked up Battlefield 4, then I put it down again and stamped on it a few times, and then I picked up the new Zelda, Link between Worlds, instead. You know what, I’m glad that new releases are currently barer than the sandwich platter at the home for wayward fat people I've caught up on so much shit! I finished my full-sized replica of the West Midlands in Minecraft at the bottom of the ocean where it belongs, and I've caught up on some of last year's releases that I missed the first time around.
